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Many couples come to therapy telling me their issue is communication. What we know and learn in emotionally focused therapy (EFT) is that the issue related to attachment and unresolved childhood trauma as well as developmental longings. In gestalt therapy we view this pattern as one where we try to complete the cycle of experience that was interrupted in childhood to have a better outcome with our current partners. However, stuck patterns and ways of relating inhibit this process and we can miss
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In both addictive and dysfunctional family systems, we often see three unspoken rules of the family: don’t talk, don’t trust, don’t feel. What does this mean? Often there is a code of silence, masked as preserving family bonds, characterized by not sharing with those not in the family and disguised as loyalty. There may be a suspicion about those that exist outside the family especially in an enmeshed family system dynamic, including therapists or other mental health professionals. Feelings expr
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